ASK "ROSY" -
The Norscan Advice Pages
all the advice you will need
Post your questions to rosy@pigsmayfly.co.uk
Letters received by Rosy - Latest at the top
| Well its been a bit quiet lately on the ask Rosy mailbox so here are a few questions that people often ask me and the answers they should have |
| Q1: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life. Is this true? A1: Your heart is only good for
so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on
exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Q2: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A2: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q3: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A3: Not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of vegetables. Bottoms up! Q4: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A4: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q5: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A5: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good Q6: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A6: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q7: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A7: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q8: Is chocolate bad for me? A8: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! Q9: Is swimming good for your figure? A9: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q10: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A10: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
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| Dear Rosy I understand that you will be providing a wider range of tobacco products at the Crimson moon. I was wondering if you'll be including a rough shag amongst these options. A. N. Othernomad. |
| Dear Alduous Nicker-sniffer (why so formal signing yourself only with initials?? after meaning so much to each other!!) Rough Shag is only one of the many options we provide for the discerning customer in the Crimson Moon... I just love it when a man gets his little briar stick out and fiddles with it. It is so important to keep it clean - to which end we are aiming to have some special items available behind the bar. And then all that stuff with the fiddling with it... poking it.. and sometimes bashing it upon the table!! For others with smaller interests, we have things you can roll yourself, just lay out the paper and spread over it before turning over... we can provide the protectors to put in the ends because that is the healthier option. or if you are a little lazier we have ones that were prepared earlier - and most of these are ready tipped. I have had a few requests for something much stronger - perhaps the sort of thing that was traditionally rolled upon the thigh of a sun kissed maiden - and we will look into that ... But for me - you cannot beat the Rough Shag..
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| Dear Rosy, Since taking part in the
After shock challenge in the Tavern, I apparently have the
seedling growth of Bitch tit. I of course totally dispute this
and believe these comments to be slanderous. Undoubtedly a
challenge will be made to the individual or individuals that
made these comments. |
| Dear CB An easy mistake to make. Be comfortable with your body. A fine figure you make, enough to make a girl wish to leave her fine trappings and take up a Nomad Life. However, we cannot lay claim to any changes in your silhouette within our fine establishment - no matter how efficacious you prove at the Aftershock Challenge. Remember, each shot of aftershock is careful blended and balanced to enhance a calorie controlled diet, and will increase your physique, strength, intelligence, sexual prowess as well as curing gout, warts, flatulence, congenital diseases and scrofula. Should you be looking towards the "Piginabun" for a cause?? But never fear - the only thing that is preventing you from showing full bitch tits is the exercise regime you can maintain in the Crimson Moon. Multiple arm lifts from chest to chin with any of our available receptacles - filled to capacity to enhance your enjoyment and increase the weight lifted. I shall be happy to assist as your personal fitness advisor when we next meet.
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| Dear Rosy It has been some 4 weeks since I was last in the tavern and I have developed a small problem. My sight has become very clear I have been able to think clearly and have stopped falling down. I really don't like this feeling of normality, can you help. Poostash (of the nomads Mongol warrior & yak herder) ps the itching has now stopped |
| Dear Poostash I am so glad that the itching has
stopped. But is seems that you may be suffering from the effects
of what the medicine men call "SO - BRIAR TEA". But fear not - when you get to the Steppes - just call into the Tavern and we will wash away some of those bad chemicals with some real ale - and I am sure that you will be back to nromal in no time..
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| Dear Rosy, As an observant Cat of the Library, I make it my business to know the goings and comings of the Nomad peoples. I have recently observed many of the Mongols returning from their Yak herds with a distinct itch around the groin. Many of them seem distracted. I don't wish to intrude, but equally, I am concerned at their plight. Perhaps you can suggest the cause for this discomfort, and perhaps something to stop it. Yours Conceredly...concernernedy...concerendered...oh, summink, anyway Lig, Curator of Nothing The Nomad Library |
| Rosy's Says:
My dear Lig, |
| Dear Rosy, As a singer, I wonder how you get your voice to sound so wonderfully gravelly. I would like to learn this technique, please help! Romany |
| Rosy Says: Why thank you kindly Romany - I was so impressed by you and your friends playing the Tavern (and playing about all over the factions I understand!!) You have a sweet voice !! don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Though it may not have the strength and depth do not feel that you are any less worthwhile... you are a special person!! My voice is as a result of birth and breeding and I must say - "is a Gift from the Gods" However - large and copious amounts of aftershock from the Crimson Moon Tavern can help you develop your tonsils. Please call with me at your next visit and I will mix you a Rosy Special!!  Rosy XXX |
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Dear Rosy, After several tries I have suddenly found my prestigious performance has fallen. I have discovered that I can fail. No man likes to shown this fact. I have let my friends down in their expectations of me and paying customers. I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid to try again. And people… people they’re watching me perform with my clients. Oh Gods, I don’t know if I can perform again. What can I do? Theok… Beloved-of-the-Gods |
| Rosy Says: Oh you poor dear!! This can happen to a man at your age ... It is normal and nothing to be ashamed of!! I hear tell even King Jason himself has had a momentary lapse!! though not in the public arena... Are you sure that you are in the right profession my dear?? You wear your skirts so high, that you invite, indeed court attention!! You need to pay more attention to your ring.. that is the source of your problems, but also the area where you will derive the greatest satisfaction. Your performance is up to you - but the success in the Ring is only partly in your hands!! The ritual Circle has a greater purpose. Remember - the trick is confidence - confidence is the trick - it is a confidence trick - something like that .. if you require further confidence - please avail yourself of the copious beverages in the Crimson Moon Tavern ... Rosy XXX |
